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“We were the perfect couple, everything was fine in fact wonderful for the first 6 months of our relationship and then he began to avoid me. Today he doesn’t even answer my calls. Why?”

Many of us have been through this mysterious phase in our relationships where after a period of hot, hot chemistry and connection, things suddenly freeze up. Until a point where we are shut out of someone special’s life with absolutely no answers. Very often I meet puzzled young women in a similar state who just want to know why it happened.

Here’s a few reasons why he may have retreated

  1. You began to mother him too much. As women we tend to nurture our loved ones and show our feelings by caring for their needs, cooking for them, checking to see if they are okay, making sure their cupboards were stocked. Flattering at first, most men seem to run from this kind of maternal behaviour. Remember, he has a mother and doesn’t need another one. Refrain from smothering him and realize he is a big boy who can take care of himself.
  2. Expecting a deeper commitment. After a point when things get intimate, comfortable and so right every woman starts to want to settle down. Men, however prefer to wait a little longer till they pop the question or think about marriage. You may have begun to drop hints, persuade him to meet your parents, talk about the future too soon in the relationship. Wait for the right moment and start the topic of a marriage as a discussion or dialogue, listen to his views before you begin to gently persuade him to tie the knot.
  3. Who, what, why, where. Though it’s nice to know about our loved ones, there’s a fine line between curiosity and concern and downright interrogation. After a point any man no matter how much in love with you he is, will want his freedom. And may begin to rebel where your questions are concerned, or avoid you altogether instead of answering the questions.
  4. His feelings were just not that intense. Many a times we realize the relationship just isn’t working out. Somewhere there may be a conflict of interest, or a sense of boredom creeping in, or something else may catch our fancy. Painful as it sounds it does happen. And few men will actually tell you that they don’t feel as strongly about you as they did, or that your stories about your relatives are beginning to get annoying.

Though closure is the ideal way to end of a relationship, most men would prefer to avoid the goodbye altogether and move on, hoping you’ve got the hint. My advice, try for a closure to find out why it may have happened. And if he still doesn’t respond, hang up and move on. Who knows, he may not have been the love of your life at all.

Mita Bhan