For a long time, I found it hard to truly forgive the people who had hurt me over the years. I felt that if I did forgive them, it would seem like what they did was ‘alright’, But how could their bitchiness, mockery and behaviour be ever alright? When I did think of them or bump into them, I would feel a burn in my heart. At the spot where the pain had somehow collected down the years. I’d heal the spot and carry on, but the repressed pain continued.
I’d heard of the concept of forgiveness and I honestly believed I’d let go of a lot of painful memories but last week I learnt that I hadnt. For a couple of nights I kept having nightmares of these people, as if they were ghosts from the past, appearing in my dreams, hurting me exactly the way they used to. And I made a conscious decision to do some intensive energy healing work on forgiveness.
At first it was hard, replaying the memories, remembering their faces, and feeling their icky energies all over again. But I learnt I had to, for one final time, replay it all and then let them go. Perhaps I had done something to do them consciously or unconsciously, perhaps it was unfinished karma, perhaps they were clueless that their behaviour was hurtful. Whatever it was, it had to be released.
Forgiveness was not a one sided act. It also included me. And the more I meditated, the more I saw myself in my younger years and realised how my own behaviour and words may have led to their reactions. Not only did I had to forgive them, I had to forgive myself.
The learning was almost instantaneous. During the meditations I understood, we cannot undo the past but we can make our present and our futures better. What some of them said or did was not acceptable but I had to let it go for my own healing. Forgiveness doesnt mean things would be hunky dory with them, or they would be welcomed into my heart or home, it just meant releasing an imprisoning memory. And it wouldnt have happened if I wasnt ready for it. For forgiveness to take place, we have to be ready for it, to release the memories and feel the freedom of releasing the negative energy that binds us to those people.