“I’m 35. I want to settle down and have babies. What do I need to know about this guy as a prospective husband? Will we have a future together?’
Her questions poured out nervously as she sat opposite the cards. And when I turned them over, I saw everything but stability with him. Reluctant to commit. Long gaps in their communication. Highly ambitious. Placing his job before everyone else.Sexual attraction but thats where it stopped. After reading out to her, I summarised “He’s not a family man”
“What do you mean?” she asked
I mean if you’re looking for someone who places his wife and children as a top priority, he’s not. Someone who’s a homebody, with a strong nesting instinct. Who will be a father, actively involved in raising your children, he wont. Someone who will come home to you and only you every evening after work, he would rather be hitting the pubs and clubs. Or hitting on other women. When you need him, he’d probably be in a meeting and wont answer the call. He cherishes his independence and doesnt see his future the way you do. Not interested in being tied down to conventional family structures, he wants to do his thing, when he wants to.
“Yes, he loves his space and privacy. When I ask him where he’s been, he gets annoyed”
More cards revealed a man of secrets. Who treasures and loves his private world, where he isnt answerable to anyone. And the more you ask, the more you push him away into his secrets.
Something in the cards struck a chord within her. There was a knowing light in her eyes. A rare moment of letting go of expectations . She summarised him beautifully “It’s not about me, or any other woman, it’s about him. Something in his past made him withdraw from commited, stable relationships. And somewhere, he’s not ready to be a family man at all. I dont think he ever will”
The moment she said that, I knew her connection with him would get better. The faster she understood his “no strings attached” attitude, the more she would accept him as he was, and release all expectations of wedding bells and babies and an apartment somewhere. She had made peace with her connection. And when she asked her next question, we both laughed.
“Will I find the potential family man?”
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