Of late, one of the recurring themes in most of my sessions has been the disappointment people feel when they discover the true faces of their so called friends and families. People who they thought they could trust, turning their backs on them or revealing their truest intentions.
“I realised she only contacted me when she wanted a favor for herself or her family. Never a hello, how are you. Always can you do this for me? Always”
“She was cheating on me during the lockdown and when I caught her, she said I deserved it”
“I thought he loved me but after he started complaining with his family about the insufficient gifts he received during the marriage, I realised just who he was”
“I called him to tell him about my family getting Covid. He never called me after that. I thought he cared”
“Even when my Boss said no, I pushed to hire that guy in my team. Little did I know he’d play dirty on me and leave me jobless”
The sense of betrayal and hurt they face is palpable and their statements ring true for all of us, as at some point we’ve all seen the glimpse of people’s true faces. But then what?
Don’t think it’s your imagination. If a person reveals just how manipulative they are, that’s who they are. Believe what they show you.
Don’t give excuses. Yes they are going through a hard time, but then so are you. Lying to you, hurting you behind your back or simply taking from you is something they will do even in easier times. That’s just they way they are.
Don’t dwell in the anger, heal it. A natural byproduct of discovering the truth is the anger we feel. Holding on to it or repressing it can make the wound as torturous as the pain itself. At some point, we all need to process the emotions until we find a space of calm within. And if you continue to struggle, seek professional therapy to guide you through the process.
Let go again and again and again. Sadly, letting go is not a once and for all moment in cases of deep hurt and disappointment, it requires multiple tries and multiple efforts until one day it ceases to hurt so badly. Again, if it’s too difficult to do it alone, take the help of therapy.
Be thankful. Sounds funny but at a spiritual level it makes sense. Be glad that you got to see their true faces eventually. Perhaps there was a karmic lesson to be learnt. Perhaps the realisation opened new doorways of awareness. Whatever it was, you learnt and you grew wiser and stronger.
Choose to be free from bitterness. Remember who you are. Reconnect with your inner self, the part of you that still finds the beauty in this world, the part of you that sees your own worth regardless of how you have been treated and how they made you feel. Detach from the person. Forgive them and forgive yourself for the times you may have inadvertently hurt another. Focus on the other healthy relationships in your life. The process may not be easy, but the peace you feel is worth it.
Copyright Mita Bhan. All Rights Reserved