Trying to be strong by repressing emotions is the worst thing we can do for our health. Every emotion we ignore, push back or numb out, finds a way of coming back at us, in the most toxic of ways. By suppressing a painful memory and acting like everything is normal is simply buying time until they re-emerge or make us sick.
I’ve learnt that repressing emotions and bottling them up doesn’t make them disappear, they only make things worse and one fine day, some little thing is going to make them spill over or explode. And if I want to live more fully in the present and embrace the potential of the future, I HAVE to express those old buried feelings.
What’s required is a final goodbye. Crying one last time for something or someone and then never again. Pouring your heart out in a letter. Talking it out. Realising that the memory is the past, and cannot be changed, only released.
Leaving us lighter, freer and a lot more healthier.
Today’s card emerged from my old I Ching deck bought 22 years ago. It reminds us of our need to honour and care for our basic self especially when we get distracted and pulled by outside distractions and events beyond our control. And on days when it seems impossible to even think of one self are the days when we need to pull away the most and draw deeply from our own inner resources – we cannot help others unless we help ourselves.
For a look at what the cards have in store for you in the week ahead.
Blank cards show up for a reason. They embody the basis of the Tarot reading. The present moment. And remind us :
Time to stop living in the past and stressing about the future.
Time to return to the now.
This is the place of creation and possibilities.
This is the centre of self healing – sometimes liberating, sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes painful.
To be at the centre point of the past and the future.
This is where all of us truly live.
“Watch any plant or animal and let it teach you acceptance of what is, surrender to the Now. Let it teach you Being. Let it teach you integrity — which means to be one, to be yourself, to be real. Let it teach you how to live and how to die, and how not to make living and dying into a problem.” ― Eckhart Tolle
Of late, one of the recurring themes in most of my sessions has been the disappointment people feel when they discover the true faces of their so called friends and families. People who they thought they could trust, turning their backs on them or revealing their truest intentions.
“I realised she only contacted me when she wanted a favor for herself or her family. Never a hello, how are you. Always can you do this for me? Always”
“She was cheating on me during the lockdown and when I caught her, she said I deserved it”
“I thought he loved me but after he started complaining with his family about the insufficient gifts he received during the marriage, I realised just who he was”
“I called him to tell him about my family getting Covid. He never called me after that. I thought he cared”
“Even when my Boss said no, I pushed to hire that guy in my team. Little did I know he’d play dirty on me and leave me jobless”
The sense of betrayal and hurt they face is palpable and their statements ring true for all of us, as at some point we’ve all seen the glimpse of people’s true faces. But then what?
Don’t think it’s your imagination. If a person reveals just how manipulative they are, that’s who they are. Believe what they show you.
Don’t give excuses. Yes they are going through a hard time, but then so are you. Lying to you, hurting you behind your back or simply taking from you is something they will do even in easier times. That’s just they way they are.
Don’t dwell in the anger, heal it. A natural byproduct of discovering the truth is the anger we feel. Holding on to it or repressing it can make the wound as torturous as the pain itself. At some point, we all need to process the emotions until we find a space of calm within. And if you continue to struggle, seek professional therapy to guide you through the process.
Let go again and again and again. Sadly, letting go is not a once and for all moment in cases of deep hurt and disappointment, it requires multiple tries and multiple efforts until one day it ceases to hurt so badly. Again, if it’s too difficult to do it alone, take the help of therapy.
Be thankful. Sounds funny but at a spiritual level it makes sense. Be glad that you got to see their true faces eventually. Perhaps there was a karmic lesson to be learnt. Perhaps the realisation opened new doorways of awareness. Whatever it was, you learnt and you grew wiser and stronger.
Choose to be free from bitterness. Remember who you are. Reconnect with your inner self, the part of you that still finds the beauty in this world, the part of you that sees your own worth regardless of how you have been treated and how they made you feel. Detach from the person. Forgive them and forgive yourself for the times you may have inadvertently hurt another. Focus on the other healthy relationships in your life. The process may not be easy, but the peace you feel is worth it.
Letting go is one of the hardest practices we will encounter, but once we do it, we wonder why we did’nt do it sooner. Many a times we find ourselves stuck about someone or something and people tell us to “let go”.
Here’s a few tried techniques that may work for you if you are struggling with something. Remember very very few of us have the ability to let go in a second. For the majority of us the process takes many tries. and time. Be patient, be persistent.
Write it down and burn it.
Struggling with a relationship that’s over. Disturbed by someone’s insensitive behaviour which you find difficult to forgive? Psychologists and Healers recommend writing a long letter to them, pouring out your feelings and allowing the process to be cathartic. Get in touch with your feelings, remember what happened and write out your soul. When you’re done, just burn the letter. Chances are you may feel lighter and purged of your pain.
2. Connect with the Inner You
Meditate and focus on your breathing. Start paying attention to your mind and your body. Start getting aligned with you, your space, your feelings and thoughts. Too many times when we find ourselves too attached to others the pain comes as a reminder to detach and focus entirely on your seperateness from them. Get in touch with YOU. Appreciate and accept your who you are. Understand you cannot change anyone but yourself. Allow any feelings to arise and be kind with yourself.
3. Look for Closure
Most relationships break up without closure. People disappear without giving answers. And those who are left holding on wait for a final goodbye or some sort of sign from them to close the chapter. When it doesn’t happen, we have no choice but to find closure within ourselves. Say “My relationship with X is over” out loud during meditation, write it out, or talk to a trusted soul. Acknowledge and accept that it’s over. When you reach a space that someone or something was not meant to be in your life for a reason (which you may or may never know) you allow yourself to disconnect and restart.
4. Forgive Yourself. Forgive Them
The process of forgiveness can take a long time and comes with its share of reliving the pain. The pain is but a passing energy, let it flow out, once and for all. Contemplate on all the mistakes you made, realise your humanness. Contemplate on their mistakes, realise their humanness. Consciously work at forgiving and allow the peace to come in.
5. Distract Yourself
I find this technique works the fastest and at a practical level, it’s do-able. The key is to be mindful. Whenever you find overthinking about someone or something, do an activity that breaks the pattern. Clean your drawer. Delete the Junk mail. Go outdoors. Use your hands. It works in seconds as an important part of the process of letting go.
Letting go takes time and when it doesn’t happen naturally, we need to push ourselves out of our comfort zones to speed up the process. Not easy but necessary for our own growth. We allow ourselves a second chance and as the wise ones have always told us “when one door closes, another opens.”
If you’re still finding it difficult to let go, reach out for a guided healing meditation on Letting Go to get you started on your process of restarting and reshaping your life. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for details.
Our minds are like wild beasts. Left to roam unfettered they destroy our inner peace. They take us into zone of past failures and future doom all at once. If we allow them to.
Take for example, the following states of mind which may feel familiar to a lot of us. Sometimes we don’t even realise what we’re doing.
“Yesterday was horrible. My sales have dropped. There are too many competitors and I don’t know if my company will survive the current economy.”
“We just broke up last month because he says he’s not ready to marry me. Will he come back in my life and do this again?”
“All my diets have failed what if I do fall sick with obesity tomorrow?”
The most damaging thing we can do to ourselves and our work is to live in the past and the future simultaneously with a sense of fear.
Not only does it rob us off the present moment and the potential it has to change, it leaves us in a perpetual state of anxiety. Preventing us from thinking or doing anything to improve the current state be it in our professional or our personal lives.
And the moment we become mindful of our thought patterns we begin the training process. And the fastest, most effective way to begin is to start with our breath. Something the wise ones have been telling us for thousands of years, yet we still allow our dragon thoughts to dominate our minds.
By paying attention to our breathing we train our minds to return to the present moment, where all is safe and all is achievable. This is the place where we begin again. And it is in this moment where we conquer our inner dragons of anxiety, fear and hopelessness.
“The breath is the King of the Mind” BKS Iyengar
Daily mindfulness of our thoughts allows us to become aware of our thinking patterns and bring us back to what is most precious and pure in all of us, our breaths. Our breaths are the pathway to inner peace. Find time, make time to breathe yourself into the here and the now. Where everything can be viewed calmly and most importantly, with a sense of hope.
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