You’re perfect just as you are. And if they are asking to you to change, lose weight, behave differently or do things that don’t come naturally to you, ask yourself if this is really love. Be you. And the right person will know and accept you as you are.
Keepers are those special, rare people our heart tells us are just right for us. You can call them soulmates, true loves, “the ones” and you know by the way the love feels, they’re going to be around for a long, long time. ❤️. With a keeper you can experience raw, real love and the best part is that they make time for you. Things are always easy with a keeper, you don’t need to “try” to be anyone but yourself. Share this with someone who needs to hear this
She was a highly successful GM of a huge company with multiple responsibilities and multiple accolades under her belt. But her heart was constantly on the search.. She would keep seeking out reading after reading from anyone she could find who could read Astrology/Numerology/Tarot/Runes to find out if she would ever get married.
She searched online and finally found someone she thought would be Mr Right. He’d just come back from USA, was working in a multinational and was too good to be true. He picked her up and dropped her to work, sent her flowers, and was always eager to spend the weekend at her place.
“Everyone I have consulted says he will marry me. What do YOU think Mita?”
With the 7 of Quills, I could only think conman, liar, thief and told her to mind the red flags and take her time before rushing to tie the knot. She laughed and rolled up her eyes at the reading and left.
A few weeks later she was back.
Ever since she started nudging him toward a commitment he’d been evasive. He called her once saying his shipment had come from USA but the bank was’nt transferring his savings, so could she pay the Transport costs and he would pay her back later. She transferred the money and he thanked her profusely. And then disappeared.
While she went back to all the numerologists/readers/astrologers asking if he would return. Still in denial about the money.
“Yes he will reconnect. But there may be an unpleasant shock around the corner”.”
Again she rolled up her eyes at the cards, content with the knowledge that he would return.
Several weeks later she was back. The radiance was gone. She looked gaunt, drained of her life force, slightly dishevelled and in dire need of sleep.
“He did meet me. He came over and spent the weekend with me while his apartment was getting renovated. Left really early saying he had a meeting. Wouldn’t let me drop him to work, acted strange, as if he was in a hurry. He didn’t even hug me good bye. Something didn’t feel right. Was he lying?” she mumbled on, a little dazed by recent events.
“I called up the company where he worked. They said they had never heard of him. I called up the company’s headquarters in Europe and they had never heard of him either. I opened my wardrobe and found my gold jewellery was missing. Every single thing my mom gave me when she died he took and disappeared”
Sadly she never did find him or get her jewellery back. He turned out to have a fake identity and never to be found. However as she admits, this was a lesson for her to take her time before giving too much of herself to online love. And may we all learn from her experience that what appears online may not necessarily be real. Always, pay attention to the red flags. Always.
Toxic people are difficult to understand. One minute they are fine and getting along with everyone, and the next minute they are manipulating the facts, creating unecessary drama, doubt and hostility. They seem to thrive on chaos, misunderstandings and creating divisions between groups and between people. And most of them have no clue why they are behaving this way. But the stress and emotional distress they cause you and other people is palpable and may affect your sleep, your relationship with others, anxiety or show up as physical problems.
Here are a few learnings about Toxic People and how to neutralise their poisonous effects.
Accept the fact that they are blind to their behaviour or faults.
You cannot change them, point out their behaviour or rescue/heal them when they are in the midst of a toxic episode. They may be reacting out of their own past experiences of trauma leaving them wounded. And well, wounded people will wound others. Unless and until they realise it for themselves, they will deny anyone or anything that points them to the mirror.
2. Recognise and heal your own stress response to a toxic person
According to recent studies done by the Friedrich Schiller University in Germany, exposure to toxic stimuli has the ability to drive our brains to an extreme stress response. Similar to what would happen when we are engaging with a toxic person. Be it listening to their negativity or being subject to their mental or verbal abuse. If you know someone can drive you to despair, anger or an equally toxic response, distance yourself and focus on finding inner calm. Eventually with self awareness you’ll recognise that you’re becoming too negative in their company and start taking steps early on.
3. Set Boundaries and Limits
In many cultures, we learn to put with their behaviour because of family ties or age or duty. Some toxic people cannot be avoided. It could be the manipulative aunt who calls you up to take sides in a drama she’s created among other family members. Or the childhood friend who makes you feel guilty because you’re not calling them enough. Or the employee who keeps complaining about the rest of the team and plays the victim. The key is to lending a sympathetic ear without getting sucked into their drama. Limit conversations with them. Excuse yourself politely. Don’t linger too long in their company.
4. Self Care SOS
Toxic people don’t care about your opinion or your feelings. Many of them are poor listeners and will interrupt you or minimise what you’re saying. Most of the time it’s about them and very little about how you may be affected by their behaviour. Your wellbeing is in your hands. Time to make YOU a priority and bring back the levels of peace. Be it a walk outdoors, meditating, blocking their calls or surrounding yourself with positive influences. Do what is best for you and don’t expect them to understand you.
5. Say No to Replay
It’s normal to replay a toxic interaction or conversation for long after it’s over. But it shouldn’t consume you. Avoid talking about it to too many people, and limit your conversations to a trusted few. Replaying the horror invites more negativity and worse still, turns you toxic too. Practicing self awareness is key.
If this resonated with you, just remember to be patient with yourself while dealing with a toxic person or situation. Awareness and self care is just the first step but speaking from experience, it takes multiple attempts and many trials and errors before we reach a maturer and calmer state with a toxic person or situation.